When you're the wiser, the burden rest with you to do the right thing. This is what my father constantly preached. Adeptly, what he meant was: No matter how wrong the other person/entity is during heated moments or moments during which rationale discourse isn't attainable, and you know better as to how the situation should be handled, or you have sufficient facts that could possibly quell [the emotionally-charged] situation, it is your responsibility to take-low, stand-down, be patient, and tolerant enough to add a positive spin to achieve peace and harmony. Even when your feelings have been clobbered the burden rest with you to do/say the right thing or whatever is required to fix a situation. (I know: It's tough until you get the hang of it. I use to always say damn before I ventured to do or say what was right for the moment. Now that I have perfected getting my ass kicked without reacting, I no longer have a need to say damn beforehand. I'm now like Nike: I just do it! Naturally!)
During my hot-headed youth, such wisdom did not rest well with me because my natural reaction was to challenge evil, be blunt about it, psychologically destroy the enemy, and otherwise have zero tolerance for ignorance (one not knowing what's expected of them to know). Boy, oh boy! Back then, I just could not understand the extent and weightiness of my father's wisdom. I deemed him to be a punk about certain situation. But of course I was immature and wrong about most things.
My father, on numerous occasions, conveyed to us--even had us to write essays over-and-over again about the following advise until we grasped the essence of what he was telling us.
He would say: "The only thing you will ever truly own is your integrity. The only thing you will ever be able to completely control is your mouth. And there are no words that should ever entice or invite your temper to rear its ugly self to argue or fight. The sole issue for which you should engage an uprising for is your integrity because it is all you will ever own, and it is structured by how you live your life. Act good; do good; and praise good. Your integrity is your legacy and it is the only thing you must protect besides your physical-self. I first encourgage you to walk away/run if necessary--if you can--in defense of your physical-self; and provide proof in defense of your integrity--nothing more is required; nothing less is to be accepted.
"If you fail to control what comes out of your mouth, or your attempts to control others and situations can make you a ghost. Words create wars. Words anger and destroy. Words are dangerous because they maim the heart, mind, and spirit; and once they're unleashed you can never retrieve or erase them. Trying to control someone or something is stressful harmfully so and can cause strokes, heart-attacks, or provoke unintended consequences that could prove to be deadly. Either way: Not controlling your mouth or trying to control someone/something that you absolutely cannot and do not control can turn you into a ghost--in an instant."
Now that I am older and wiser, my father's wisdom--to this day/to this very second--humbes me. I carry his countless words of wisdom like a badge of honor, and often refer/utilize them in my everyday life experiences. Reaching back and latching on to his wisdom gives me peace, strength, and courage to keep it moving, while ignoring and dodging the scorns of life.
Decades ago, I abandoned my attack method of communicating or dealing with the evil, not-so-wise, or menacing individuals and situations. Rather, I now employ a tactic that my father use to frequently joke about--and made us laugh heartedly every time he said it. He would say: "When they come after you, for aero-dynamic affect, lower your neck, tuck your head between your shoulder blades and run like hell ducking and weaving in a serpentine fashion, and keep running and never look back because looking back kills the aero-dynamics of your get-away by slowing you down." Now, I do exactly that--figuratively.
In retrospect, me and my siblings could not stand it whenever our father cornered us to lecture us about conduct and life, especially when he showed up with pencils and paper. If we demonstrated any semblance of boredom or intolerance, he reached down and smacked us without ever skipping a syllable in his unyielding commentary. He would go on for hours--honestly! Hours!. Whenever our friends showed up, they were held captive and made to listen and participate. They quickly learned my father's body language and tone to know when one of his life-lessons was about to begin, and they made all kinds of excuses to leave--each one invoking what their mother said they had to do. But over the many decades since my childhood, many of our friends recalled the wisdom my father forced upon them, and how it helps them navigate life's sometimes rugged terrain.
I encourage you to impart my father's shared wisdom on your children, family, friends, and perhaps yourself. It works! Take it from a former hot-head who believed I had to verbally and psychologically fight for the world.
Saishe!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The Arrogant Prey on the Humble
Over the course of my life, I've been a "watcher" of interactions among human-beings. And based on my observations and experience it is innate of humans to demonstate a profound disrespect for humility.
My foremothers were all practitioners of "do unto others as you will have them do unto you (treat others like you want to be treated)." We were taught to never be arrogant because being arrogant in itself is disdainful and incendiary.
In observing human behavior from the sidelines of life, I noticed that in many instances that no matter how kind a person is to, considerate of, and/or patient with a scornfully arrogant (egotistical, conceited, haughty, superior, self-important, condescending, supercilious, disdainful, belittling, demeaning, egocentric, insensitive, careless of the feelings of others, inconsiderate, self-aggrandizing) individual, the arrogant individual presents as wholly intolerant and derisive of the good-natured person. I was pepetually baffled by such behavior until I began observing animals (the "law of the jungle").
Among animals, I noticed that if a humble, fearful, sick, old, weak, or injured animal failed to defend itself, its honor or position, it was disrespected, abused, or inevitably eradicated. And this is very much true as to how an arrogant individual behaves.
To the arrogant individual you are "weak" if you are humble and respectful. And is there better prey than the "humble?" No! There is none. A humble is a "feast" for the arrogant.
There is absolutely no reasoning with an arrogant individual. At all times, they must have someone to victimize in order to feed their narcissism. They are never wrong about anything. Rather, it is you who "made the mistake(s)...misunderstood what was said/failed to listen...cannot do/get it right...causes [all] the arguments...caused them to hurt/disrespect you, etc." And if you attempt to refute them in any manner or defend yourself against their scornful and incendiary accusations and remarks, they will make it an occupation to hurt and destroy you in a public manner--the more witnesses, the better. Believe me. I know. I've been a fight-back-at-any-cost victim of an arrogant individual.
The arrogant individual will hate you for having the wisdom and courage to tell them about their disparagement of you and/or others, or when they are wrong about something because to them they inherently do not make mistakes. They will repeatedly bring-up everything they ever thought you did stupid, wrong, or otherwise, and will never admit to the errors of their ways--or any character flaws they have. They honestly believe hurting you is helping "you see yourself for who you really are." They pretend there is nothing good about you, and will give you point-and-case, even going as far as to make-up situations/instances. And for Godsakes, to be in the crosshairs of an arrogant individual who is a pathological liar is an experience that is diabolical and life-changing in a not-go-good kind of way.
The arrogant individual is [sociopathic] cold, insensitive, and incapable of showing feelings towards others, but demand that you be sensitive to their demands while being humble and showing them that you revere them. No matter how often they are cruel to you, they expect you to endure it without rebelling or so much as "talking back to them;" and if you say anything in your defense, they accuse you of being confrontational and uncooperative.
They are experts a "flipping the script," i.e., after they, without provocation cause a scene, start a verbal or physical fight, or are heart-stopping insulting, they will try to convince you that you are the perpatrator, you caused the situation to happen when in reality, you said nothing or did nothing--you were just simply there as an unwilling victim of what occurred.
The arrogant individual will badger you with excruciating verbal abuse until they make you cry, run away, or [want to] physically attack. They "grandstand" and get an ardenaline-rush from verbally and emotionally vilifying their victim(s). And they never apologize for the horrid things they do and say--and you better not ever bring them up in the future. And they never remember any of the disgusting and unforgivable things they do and say--yet they remember every detail that ever made-up about you.
Please note that the possibility of the arrogant individual changing his/her demeaning ways is slim-to-none. However, over the course of my life, I've witnessed near-death experiences humble the arrogant and strengten the weak.
Just sharing!
Love, Saishe!
My foremothers were all practitioners of "do unto others as you will have them do unto you (treat others like you want to be treated)." We were taught to never be arrogant because being arrogant in itself is disdainful and incendiary.
In observing human behavior from the sidelines of life, I noticed that in many instances that no matter how kind a person is to, considerate of, and/or patient with a scornfully arrogant (egotistical, conceited, haughty, superior, self-important, condescending, supercilious, disdainful, belittling, demeaning, egocentric, insensitive, careless of the feelings of others, inconsiderate, self-aggrandizing) individual, the arrogant individual presents as wholly intolerant and derisive of the good-natured person. I was pepetually baffled by such behavior until I began observing animals (the "law of the jungle").
Among animals, I noticed that if a humble, fearful, sick, old, weak, or injured animal failed to defend itself, its honor or position, it was disrespected, abused, or inevitably eradicated. And this is very much true as to how an arrogant individual behaves.
To the arrogant individual you are "weak" if you are humble and respectful. And is there better prey than the "humble?" No! There is none. A humble is a "feast" for the arrogant.
There is absolutely no reasoning with an arrogant individual. At all times, they must have someone to victimize in order to feed their narcissism. They are never wrong about anything. Rather, it is you who "made the mistake(s)...misunderstood what was said/failed to listen...cannot do/get it right...causes [all] the arguments...caused them to hurt/disrespect you, etc." And if you attempt to refute them in any manner or defend yourself against their scornful and incendiary accusations and remarks, they will make it an occupation to hurt and destroy you in a public manner--the more witnesses, the better. Believe me. I know. I've been a fight-back-at-any-cost victim of an arrogant individual.
The arrogant individual will hate you for having the wisdom and courage to tell them about their disparagement of you and/or others, or when they are wrong about something because to them they inherently do not make mistakes. They will repeatedly bring-up everything they ever thought you did stupid, wrong, or otherwise, and will never admit to the errors of their ways--or any character flaws they have. They honestly believe hurting you is helping "you see yourself for who you really are." They pretend there is nothing good about you, and will give you point-and-case, even going as far as to make-up situations/instances. And for Godsakes, to be in the crosshairs of an arrogant individual who is a pathological liar is an experience that is diabolical and life-changing in a not-go-good kind of way.
The arrogant individual is [sociopathic] cold, insensitive, and incapable of showing feelings towards others, but demand that you be sensitive to their demands while being humble and showing them that you revere them. No matter how often they are cruel to you, they expect you to endure it without rebelling or so much as "talking back to them;" and if you say anything in your defense, they accuse you of being confrontational and uncooperative.
They are experts a "flipping the script," i.e., after they, without provocation cause a scene, start a verbal or physical fight, or are heart-stopping insulting, they will try to convince you that you are the perpatrator, you caused the situation to happen when in reality, you said nothing or did nothing--you were just simply there as an unwilling victim of what occurred.
The arrogant individual will badger you with excruciating verbal abuse until they make you cry, run away, or [want to] physically attack. They "grandstand" and get an ardenaline-rush from verbally and emotionally vilifying their victim(s). And they never apologize for the horrid things they do and say--and you better not ever bring them up in the future. And they never remember any of the disgusting and unforgivable things they do and say--yet they remember every detail that ever made-up about you.
Please note that the possibility of the arrogant individual changing his/her demeaning ways is slim-to-none. However, over the course of my life, I've witnessed near-death experiences humble the arrogant and strengten the weak.
Just sharing!
Love, Saishe!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
A Girl Abused: A Woman Lost Forever
Let me tell you a story about a girl I know.
As a young girl, she was very smart— a “STRAIGHT-A” student; very pretty and very out going.
In the beginning, she did everything her mother asked her to do—never waivered. Unfortunately, she looked just like her father [whom the mother hated with a passion], in concert, the girl possessed all of his traits—the good and the bad.
She was a person anchored in emotion, looking for someone who truly loved her—looking for the love she believed she should receive from the woman who birthed her. This girl started lying about little, insignificant things. She lied to her mother because first and foremost, she feared her mother because her mother constantly called her horrible names and would beat her violently for the slightest infraction or for no reason at all, or simply because she was angry about something or at someone else.
When the girl got to the age of 12 or so, the berating and emotional damage that had been heaped upon her had solidified, manifested, and infused her heart, mind, and soul; and therefore, she begin to lie [more and more] thinking lies would save her from being berated and abused, not knowing that her mother was far more experienced at life, and naturally knew when she was being lied to.
The girl began to feel hopeless. Her grades began to suffer. Like never before, she started staying away from home; attempted to run away; sought refuge and comfort among people she thought cared more about her.
Later in her life—say her late teen/early twenty-something years—she started drinking heavily, trying to drown-out the emotional pain caused by the abusive language and physical assaults about the head, face, and body—not understanding that her lies, in most cases, contributed to the hard-core abuse inflicted upon her.
The only aspect of life she clung to was the abuse itself—IT WAS UNIMAGINABLE TO HER THAT HER MOTHER COULD HURT HER SO READILY AND DEEPLY WITHOUT CONSICIOUS. At times, the abuse would be so horrific that her sisters would intercede to get their mother off of her and switch the beating from her to them—they would take beatings for their emotionally/physically abused sister because they understood that their mother had zero tolerance for her daughter’s lies and was enraged by blind anger because of her own abusive up-bringing. The girl’s mother did not know how to guide her daughter towards the truth, nor could she see the permanent damage she had done to this girl long before the girl started telling lies.
After getting married and leaving home at an early age, and having children, the girl started doing drugs, drinking more, constantly running from one affair to another looking for the emotional support/love she so desperately craved. She became the same type of abuser as her mother, i.e., she verbally abused her children whenever she became angry at them or anybody else. She beat and berated them, all the while lost within herself because she had been stripped of her self-esteem decades prior. She had been subjected to such profound verbal and physical humiliation that she eventually suffered a mental breakdown, enhanced by the use of drugs and alcohol. Her whole understanding of life had been scarred by a mother who was doing her best to provide, but was otherwise destructively abusive.
To this date, that girl [woman] is a mentally scarred mess caused mostly by verbal assaults, accented by physical abuse from the one person she thought could/should never do that to her. That girl is my sister.
As a young girl, she was very smart— a “STRAIGHT-A” student; very pretty and very out going.
In the beginning, she did everything her mother asked her to do—never waivered. Unfortunately, she looked just like her father [whom the mother hated with a passion], in concert, the girl possessed all of his traits—the good and the bad.
She was a person anchored in emotion, looking for someone who truly loved her—looking for the love she believed she should receive from the woman who birthed her. This girl started lying about little, insignificant things. She lied to her mother because first and foremost, she feared her mother because her mother constantly called her horrible names and would beat her violently for the slightest infraction or for no reason at all, or simply because she was angry about something or at someone else.
When the girl got to the age of 12 or so, the berating and emotional damage that had been heaped upon her had solidified, manifested, and infused her heart, mind, and soul; and therefore, she begin to lie [more and more] thinking lies would save her from being berated and abused, not knowing that her mother was far more experienced at life, and naturally knew when she was being lied to.
The girl began to feel hopeless. Her grades began to suffer. Like never before, she started staying away from home; attempted to run away; sought refuge and comfort among people she thought cared more about her.
Later in her life—say her late teen/early twenty-something years—she started drinking heavily, trying to drown-out the emotional pain caused by the abusive language and physical assaults about the head, face, and body—not understanding that her lies, in most cases, contributed to the hard-core abuse inflicted upon her.
The only aspect of life she clung to was the abuse itself—IT WAS UNIMAGINABLE TO HER THAT HER MOTHER COULD HURT HER SO READILY AND DEEPLY WITHOUT CONSICIOUS. At times, the abuse would be so horrific that her sisters would intercede to get their mother off of her and switch the beating from her to them—they would take beatings for their emotionally/physically abused sister because they understood that their mother had zero tolerance for her daughter’s lies and was enraged by blind anger because of her own abusive up-bringing. The girl’s mother did not know how to guide her daughter towards the truth, nor could she see the permanent damage she had done to this girl long before the girl started telling lies.
After getting married and leaving home at an early age, and having children, the girl started doing drugs, drinking more, constantly running from one affair to another looking for the emotional support/love she so desperately craved. She became the same type of abuser as her mother, i.e., she verbally abused her children whenever she became angry at them or anybody else. She beat and berated them, all the while lost within herself because she had been stripped of her self-esteem decades prior. She had been subjected to such profound verbal and physical humiliation that she eventually suffered a mental breakdown, enhanced by the use of drugs and alcohol. Her whole understanding of life had been scarred by a mother who was doing her best to provide, but was otherwise destructively abusive.
To this date, that girl [woman] is a mentally scarred mess caused mostly by verbal assaults, accented by physical abuse from the one person she thought could/should never do that to her. That girl is my sister.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Chicago Sun-Times Reporter Mary Mitchell Should Be Ashamed Re: President Obama
The day after President Obama was re-elected to office (11/07/2012) I read an article written by Chicago Sun-Times newspaper reporter Mary Mitchell and the caption read: “Will Obama do more for African Americans?” I started not to read it because I knew it would be a complaint about our dreadful conditions, and a query as to what [he] is going to do about it. But I read it any way.
Mary went to say in her article “…Yet in urban areas, too many children are still getting killed. Too many fathers are still trying to make a living selling drugs on the corner. Too many mothers still worry more about their kids walking down the street safely than about eating fresh vegetables. Frankly, black people have paid a hefty price for their loyalty…Now I hope he (Obama) will do more for the group that helped him get elected in the first place.”
I was embarrassed for Mary because she knows better, and she failed to mention exactly what it is President Obama should or could do for us. Not once did Mary, in her reprimand of President Obama, place responsibility on black people—where it rightfully belong—for what is going on in our communities (children getting killed; fathers selling drugs on street corners—everyday; mothers worrying about their kids walking safely down the streets that we live on).
Rather, Mary perpetuated the same ridiculous ideology that most black people invoke: “The government, the police, and the President aren’t doing enough to help black people to stop the killing in our communities and provide jobs and fresh vegetables…blah, blah, blah.”
I have yet to witness Mary putting forth any effort to help solve the problems she mentioned [above] in her article other than reporting on it.
Several years ago, because Mary is a high-profile and respected reporter in Chicago, I personally appealed to her to help bring women together to address the problems in our community and I have yet to hear from her.
As a reporter, Mary—to my knowledge—has not attempted to engage in dialogue with gang members in an effort to glean insight as to what is fueling the carnage in our communities, or how to solve it. Rather, [white] reporters Walter Jacobson of CBS [News] and [ABC national news anchor] Diane Sawyer came into our community to engage in dialogue with actual gangbangers to pin-point the anatomy of their murderous behavior. It should have been Mary [and us].
Mary failed to mention that we—black people—aren’t doing anything collectively to improve our dreadful social and economic conditions. I want to know what is it that Mary Mitchell and black people expect President Obama to do for us that we refuse to do for ourselves.
Keep in mind that African-Americans—just like everyone else—live in a land of prosperity, i.e., America, a capitalistic society where free enterprise is accessible to everyone with no restrictions on getting an education or starting a business.
African-Americans refuse to come together to collectively develop a plan to combine our resources and spending strength to support, expand, and create black enterprises. Neither President Obama, nor any form of government should be expected to bear sole responsibility for improving our local-level economic disparities and social atrocities.
What responsibility should we bear?
I cannot resist reminding [Mary Mitchell and] black people of just a few government financial entitlements (help from government) that black people—like every other race—already receive and have been receiving every month, every year for decades that are meant to be and should be used by [black] people to help improve their quality of life:
Section 8 Housing:
This federally-funded entitlement program pays all or a substantial portion of rent for no-to-low-income [black] people monthly/annually.
Example: A high-end monthly rent subsidy for a single mother with 3 or more children for up to $1,500 for a decent 3-4 bedroom apartment amounts to $18,000 annually; and many black people (mothers) have been receiving Section 8 government-financed housing for decades. $18,000 annually multiplied by 10 years is $180,000—then multiply that by 2 decades ($360,000). Now multiple this figure by millions of black people.
Link Program:
This federally-funded entitlement program titled “Link” gives hundreds of dollars in [cash and] food stamps to millions of no-to-low-income [black] people monthly.
Disgrace:
There are millions of mothers (and fathers) that do not use their Link food stamps to buy food for their kids. The kids go hungry while their mothers’ sell the Link provision to other people for cash—every month.
Example: A single mother with 2 to 3 kids receives this government entitlement for just food purchases alone. A monthly $500+ Link provision amounts to $6,000 annually, multiplied by 10 years = $60,000. Yet the babies are starving. The “Link Card” is the real American Express Card.
Recommendation: The physical "Link" card should have a recipient's picture ID, and recipients should be required to show the Link ID prior to cashiers completing purchase transactions.
WIC:
This government entitlement program—in addition to Link—provides money for single mothers to purchase milk, juice, cereal, etc. for babies they are continuously having that they cannot financially take care of.
Medicaid:
Free healthcare paid for by State government(s). What more can I say?!
Earned Income Tax Credit:
Federal government help that enables millions of low-income people receive thousands of dollars in annual federal income tax credits that renders hefty tax refunds every year. The more children a “worrying” mother has, the higher her federal tax refund is.
Example: Every year, low-income parents receive two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine-thousand dollars (or more) in federal tax refunds via the “earned income tax credit." And every year—most if not all—tax credit recipients never spend their sizeable tax refunds in ways that will surely enhance their educational or economic conditions. Instead they go buy used cars just about every year; or new TV’s/furniture, expensive hair weaves—ultimately spending the money in ways that do not meaningfully benefit them or their children.
Recommendation:
Earned income tax credits should be tied to a mandatory requirement to obtain higher education, with an eligibility period of every other year. Eligibility would be stipulated on having to submit official documented proof of attendance/completion of an accredited degree or trade program; or proof of payment of tuition or tutoring lessons, etc. for their children.
The tax credit recipient should only be eligible for tax credits every two years after providing said proof for each 2-year eligibility period up to 6 years.
Eligibility for earned income tax credits should expire in 6 years.
Example:
1. In order to be eligible for earned income tax credits every two years, the low-income qualifier would have to obtain an associates degree during eligibility years one through 2;
2. For eligibility for years three through four, the low-income qualifier would have to successfully obtain a Bachelor’s degree, and;
3. In order to qualify for eligibility years five through six, the low income qualifier should be required to obtain a Masters degree.
After a 4 to 6-year eligibility period, a low-income qualifier would no longer qualify for the earned income tax credit; and would have not only moved up academically, but would qualify to obtain a higher-paying job, thereby being able to relinquish dependency on government entitlement programs.
If a person does not engage the mandatory requirement to obtain higher education, they should not be eligible to take advantage of earned income tax credits, period!
Cell Phones:
The federal government provides no-to-low-income people with free cell phones and free cell phone service.
Disgrace:
I know people who are abusing this (luxury) government-financed privilege by having two and three free (government provided) cell phones. How is that for making an ass out of the sporting life?
Recommendation:
The government’s program of free cell phone service is a luxury and should be an entitlement exclusively for senior citizens.
No-to-low-income people who spend money to get their hair and nails done every week and are already receiving tens of thousands of dollars in government “help” every month/every year should not be entitled to receive free cell phones and cell phone services.
The U.S Congress should immediately revoke this costly luxury entitlement.
Public Education:
Free education: K-12th Grade. What more could you ask for? Um?
Pell Grants:
This government entitlement gives money to no-to-low-income individuals to attend college or universities to receive higher education as a means to achieve greater earning potential, or learn how to start their own businesses.
Disgrace:
Black people should be breaking the government bank with this entitlement, especially the fathers that Mary Mitchell mentioned who are selling drugs on the corners [everyday].
I could go on and on, but you get the picture, right? Right!
Now tell me this: What the heck more could President Obama do to help black people when black people have access to all the resources they need to help themselves but are not [largely] doing so. What gosh darn it!?
Tell me, Mary (black people)! What do you want President Obama to do that you and mostly everybody in the black community are not doing? Why didn’t you ask former President Bill Clinton the same question? Why haven’t you asked Mayor Emmanuel the same question? And Rahm Emmanuel was [also] elected to office with the majority vote of black people and he has no blacks in his cabinet—you’re not grinding him about that! Mary should be ashamed of herself. I know I am. I’m ashamed for/of all of us.
I'm simply saying!
Saishe Brokesom
Mary went to say in her article “…Yet in urban areas, too many children are still getting killed. Too many fathers are still trying to make a living selling drugs on the corner. Too many mothers still worry more about their kids walking down the street safely than about eating fresh vegetables. Frankly, black people have paid a hefty price for their loyalty…Now I hope he (Obama) will do more for the group that helped him get elected in the first place.”
I was embarrassed for Mary because she knows better, and she failed to mention exactly what it is President Obama should or could do for us. Not once did Mary, in her reprimand of President Obama, place responsibility on black people—where it rightfully belong—for what is going on in our communities (children getting killed; fathers selling drugs on street corners—everyday; mothers worrying about their kids walking safely down the streets that we live on).
Rather, Mary perpetuated the same ridiculous ideology that most black people invoke: “The government, the police, and the President aren’t doing enough to help black people to stop the killing in our communities and provide jobs and fresh vegetables…blah, blah, blah.”
I have yet to witness Mary putting forth any effort to help solve the problems she mentioned [above] in her article other than reporting on it.
Several years ago, because Mary is a high-profile and respected reporter in Chicago, I personally appealed to her to help bring women together to address the problems in our community and I have yet to hear from her.
As a reporter, Mary—to my knowledge—has not attempted to engage in dialogue with gang members in an effort to glean insight as to what is fueling the carnage in our communities, or how to solve it. Rather, [white] reporters Walter Jacobson of CBS [News] and [ABC national news anchor] Diane Sawyer came into our community to engage in dialogue with actual gangbangers to pin-point the anatomy of their murderous behavior. It should have been Mary [and us].
Mary failed to mention that we—black people—aren’t doing anything collectively to improve our dreadful social and economic conditions. I want to know what is it that Mary Mitchell and black people expect President Obama to do for us that we refuse to do for ourselves.
Keep in mind that African-Americans—just like everyone else—live in a land of prosperity, i.e., America, a capitalistic society where free enterprise is accessible to everyone with no restrictions on getting an education or starting a business.
African-Americans refuse to come together to collectively develop a plan to combine our resources and spending strength to support, expand, and create black enterprises. Neither President Obama, nor any form of government should be expected to bear sole responsibility for improving our local-level economic disparities and social atrocities.
What responsibility should we bear?
I cannot resist reminding [Mary Mitchell and] black people of just a few government financial entitlements (help from government) that black people—like every other race—already receive and have been receiving every month, every year for decades that are meant to be and should be used by [black] people to help improve their quality of life:
Section 8 Housing:
This federally-funded entitlement program pays all or a substantial portion of rent for no-to-low-income [black] people monthly/annually.
Example: A high-end monthly rent subsidy for a single mother with 3 or more children for up to $1,500 for a decent 3-4 bedroom apartment amounts to $18,000 annually; and many black people (mothers) have been receiving Section 8 government-financed housing for decades. $18,000 annually multiplied by 10 years is $180,000—then multiply that by 2 decades ($360,000). Now multiple this figure by millions of black people.
Link Program:
This federally-funded entitlement program titled “Link” gives hundreds of dollars in [cash and] food stamps to millions of no-to-low-income [black] people monthly.
Disgrace:
There are millions of mothers (and fathers) that do not use their Link food stamps to buy food for their kids. The kids go hungry while their mothers’ sell the Link provision to other people for cash—every month.
Example: A single mother with 2 to 3 kids receives this government entitlement for just food purchases alone. A monthly $500+ Link provision amounts to $6,000 annually, multiplied by 10 years = $60,000. Yet the babies are starving. The “Link Card” is the real American Express Card.
Recommendation: The physical "Link" card should have a recipient's picture ID, and recipients should be required to show the Link ID prior to cashiers completing purchase transactions.
WIC:
This government entitlement program—in addition to Link—provides money for single mothers to purchase milk, juice, cereal, etc. for babies they are continuously having that they cannot financially take care of.
Medicaid:
Free healthcare paid for by State government(s). What more can I say?!
Earned Income Tax Credit:
Federal government help that enables millions of low-income people receive thousands of dollars in annual federal income tax credits that renders hefty tax refunds every year. The more children a “worrying” mother has, the higher her federal tax refund is.
Example: Every year, low-income parents receive two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine-thousand dollars (or more) in federal tax refunds via the “earned income tax credit." And every year—most if not all—tax credit recipients never spend their sizeable tax refunds in ways that will surely enhance their educational or economic conditions. Instead they go buy used cars just about every year; or new TV’s/furniture, expensive hair weaves—ultimately spending the money in ways that do not meaningfully benefit them or their children.
Recommendation:
Earned income tax credits should be tied to a mandatory requirement to obtain higher education, with an eligibility period of every other year. Eligibility would be stipulated on having to submit official documented proof of attendance/completion of an accredited degree or trade program; or proof of payment of tuition or tutoring lessons, etc. for their children.
The tax credit recipient should only be eligible for tax credits every two years after providing said proof for each 2-year eligibility period up to 6 years.
Eligibility for earned income tax credits should expire in 6 years.
Example:
1. In order to be eligible for earned income tax credits every two years, the low-income qualifier would have to obtain an associates degree during eligibility years one through 2;
2. For eligibility for years three through four, the low-income qualifier would have to successfully obtain a Bachelor’s degree, and;
3. In order to qualify for eligibility years five through six, the low income qualifier should be required to obtain a Masters degree.
After a 4 to 6-year eligibility period, a low-income qualifier would no longer qualify for the earned income tax credit; and would have not only moved up academically, but would qualify to obtain a higher-paying job, thereby being able to relinquish dependency on government entitlement programs.
If a person does not engage the mandatory requirement to obtain higher education, they should not be eligible to take advantage of earned income tax credits, period!
Cell Phones:
The federal government provides no-to-low-income people with free cell phones and free cell phone service.
Disgrace:
I know people who are abusing this (luxury) government-financed privilege by having two and three free (government provided) cell phones. How is that for making an ass out of the sporting life?
Recommendation:
The government’s program of free cell phone service is a luxury and should be an entitlement exclusively for senior citizens.
No-to-low-income people who spend money to get their hair and nails done every week and are already receiving tens of thousands of dollars in government “help” every month/every year should not be entitled to receive free cell phones and cell phone services.
The U.S Congress should immediately revoke this costly luxury entitlement.
Public Education:
Free education: K-12th Grade. What more could you ask for? Um?
Pell Grants:
This government entitlement gives money to no-to-low-income individuals to attend college or universities to receive higher education as a means to achieve greater earning potential, or learn how to start their own businesses.
Disgrace:
Black people should be breaking the government bank with this entitlement, especially the fathers that Mary Mitchell mentioned who are selling drugs on the corners [everyday].
I could go on and on, but you get the picture, right? Right!
Now tell me this: What the heck more could President Obama do to help black people when black people have access to all the resources they need to help themselves but are not [largely] doing so. What gosh darn it!?
Tell me, Mary (black people)! What do you want President Obama to do that you and mostly everybody in the black community are not doing? Why didn’t you ask former President Bill Clinton the same question? Why haven’t you asked Mayor Emmanuel the same question? And Rahm Emmanuel was [also] elected to office with the majority vote of black people and he has no blacks in his cabinet—you’re not grinding him about that! Mary should be ashamed of herself. I know I am. I’m ashamed for/of all of us.
I'm simply saying!
Saishe Brokesom
Friday, July 5, 2013
Emotional Intelligence
Continually, I find myself in a state of self-reflection to determine if there are any aspects of my disposition that I should or need to improve, and every now-and-then when I engage myself, I find something about my temperament that could use a little tweaking here-and-there. For instance, I recognize my profound intolerance for the following and I diligently strive to enhance my approach in response to all of them:
• Disrespect
• Irresponsibility
• Liars
• Abusers
• Ungratefulness
• Deceitfulness
• Impatient People
• Narcissists
• Swindlers
• Cheating
Among all of the above, “disrespect” is the common denominator for all of the characteristics that I despise the most.
Why do I say “disrespect” is the common denominator?
I am of the opinion that “disrespect” is—above all—the premier prerequisite for exercising all of the above traits because “disrespect” sets the wheels in motion to cause any and all other harm.
As I get older, I am finding more diplomatic ways to confront individuals who exhibit such adverse personalities, or situations where “disrespect” is on display.
In the past, my approach/answer to disrespect was nothing shy of all-out, with great dispatch, psychological and verbal warfare. But now that I am older and wiser, I am a practitioner and firm believer of when an individual is the wiser in the face of adversity or conflict—no matter how wrong the other source may be—the burden rest with the “wiser” to do the right thing—“set the good example” as my father use to say. This is called “taking the high-road.” And taking the “high-road” can be difficult and painful, but with “righteousness” comes pain for somebody.
Now, I go through life in a perpetual state of honing my listening and observation skills. I listen critically, and am forever vigilant looking for patterns, as opposed to “jumping-the-gun” on what I thought I initially perceived.
I engage “emotional intelligence,” which I constantly study. In my mental reflexes, I employ intellect, logic, risk, and probability—banishing my emotional-self from entering the equation of the situation. I keep in mind that some people or “that person” may not be aware, or they might not know any better, or perhaps they made a mistake. I remind myself that the next person may not be as astute as I am in dealing with human-nature, or have absolutely no concept of “emotional intelligence,” so I give allowances for that. If/when necessary, I diplomatically bring “the” matter to a person’s attention—and forgive or overlook their action(s). If it happens again, I assume they forgot [our] previous dialogue or made the same mistake twice. The third time, I deem a pattern has been set and I determine the value of redressing the situation or I simply walk away from it entirely. In most instances, I usually do the latter.
Even when individuals accuse me of having said or done a particular “thing” to them that caused them some level of emotional harm, I’ve learned not to refute them, but rather I opt to engage emotional intelligence by expressing sincere regret for having caused them to feel that way, while seeking to find out what it is they perceive[d] I said or did, then I beg their pardon with a promise to be mindful of never doing it again.
Why do I engage this approach?
I’ve come to realize that “human-nature” is operationally 90% (plus or minus) emotion, and 10% (plus or minus) logic; and emotional situations can prove deadly to relationships, opportunities, and in some instances, lives. So I opt to utilize emotional intelligence by taking full responsibility for the emotional harm someone perceives I’ve caused them because their perception is their reality. Therefore, in an effort to achieve immediate resolution, I acknowledge, accept responsibility for, apologize, and pledge never to do it again—and if I’m accused by a true psycho, I stay completely away from them, which guarantees there won’t be a “next time.”
Additionally, I’ve learned over the years that when emotions are involved, logic takes a backseat in most situations. So the first thing I do is conquer the initial component of engagement which is my emotional-self. Next, I quickly conclude—without verbalizing it—whether or not what I’m hearing is logical. In rapid succession, I assess the person’s approach to determine the level of intelligence vs. the level of emotion in play, all the while attempting to determine the possible risk(s) involved if I acknowledge/engage the situation. And lastly, I try to project the probability of achieving a positive outcome. All of this I attempt in a moment’s notice of an impending “situation.” Sometimes, if I’m caught off guard, I ask the person whether or not I can get back to them on the subject as a means to give myself ample time to properly address the matter. It took me half-a-life-time to learn about and develop emotional intelligence, and another half-a-lifetime to efficiently utilize it.
I’ve also learned and now practice “silence is golden.” And “golden” silence truly is! I’ve learned to be silent, which is paramount in developing critical listening skills. Being silent is a strategic means of not arming my opponent because when I’m silent, my opponent does not know what I’m thinking. THIS WAS A HUGELY DIFFICULT SKILL FOR ME TO DEVELOP—I failed miserably many times when I first started trying to remain silent during the course of… I literally use to get dizzy when “holding my peace/piece.” In the beginning, it nearly killed me to be silent. When I shared with a mentor that I get physically ill when I am quiet, that mentor mailed to a book titled: “The Art of War.” Now that I know how to be silent, there is nothing better in my arsenal. I KNOW HOW TO SHUT THE “F” UP! I feel empowered when I’m in a silent mode. I truly know what it means to “stand-down.”
In addition, I recognize[d] that it was in my best interest to go back to being humble because I was blowing my blessing by deserting my innate nature of being humble by allowing life’s circumstances to transform me into a brutal sharp-tongued resister of all things evil. And because I was honestly never the provocateur during my brutal and sharp-tongued moments, I felt justified in fighting back—and winning ugly. But it never felt good like I thought it should or would.
After a long period of time, I realized I had become what I always fought so diligently against. I became cruelly unforgiving, and after my opposition was successfully beat-back into their miserable demonized corners, something bad always happened to me—and I knew each time the laws of retribution had kicked in on me because I knew I was acting outside of my natural self, as well as the laws of the universe. So I self-reflected and beat myself back into submission/humility and grace.
After my most recent self-reflection, I recognized a need to reintroduced myself to my innate desire and ability to forgive, and now I’m back to being at peace with the world.
Peace unto to you as well.
Saishe See. Saishe Says.
• Disrespect
• Irresponsibility
• Liars
• Abusers
• Ungratefulness
• Deceitfulness
• Impatient People
• Narcissists
• Swindlers
• Cheating
Among all of the above, “disrespect” is the common denominator for all of the characteristics that I despise the most.
Why do I say “disrespect” is the common denominator?
I am of the opinion that “disrespect” is—above all—the premier prerequisite for exercising all of the above traits because “disrespect” sets the wheels in motion to cause any and all other harm.
As I get older, I am finding more diplomatic ways to confront individuals who exhibit such adverse personalities, or situations where “disrespect” is on display.
In the past, my approach/answer to disrespect was nothing shy of all-out, with great dispatch, psychological and verbal warfare. But now that I am older and wiser, I am a practitioner and firm believer of when an individual is the wiser in the face of adversity or conflict—no matter how wrong the other source may be—the burden rest with the “wiser” to do the right thing—“set the good example” as my father use to say. This is called “taking the high-road.” And taking the “high-road” can be difficult and painful, but with “righteousness” comes pain for somebody.
Now, I go through life in a perpetual state of honing my listening and observation skills. I listen critically, and am forever vigilant looking for patterns, as opposed to “jumping-the-gun” on what I thought I initially perceived.
I engage “emotional intelligence,” which I constantly study. In my mental reflexes, I employ intellect, logic, risk, and probability—banishing my emotional-self from entering the equation of the situation. I keep in mind that some people or “that person” may not be aware, or they might not know any better, or perhaps they made a mistake. I remind myself that the next person may not be as astute as I am in dealing with human-nature, or have absolutely no concept of “emotional intelligence,” so I give allowances for that. If/when necessary, I diplomatically bring “the” matter to a person’s attention—and forgive or overlook their action(s). If it happens again, I assume they forgot [our] previous dialogue or made the same mistake twice. The third time, I deem a pattern has been set and I determine the value of redressing the situation or I simply walk away from it entirely. In most instances, I usually do the latter.
Even when individuals accuse me of having said or done a particular “thing” to them that caused them some level of emotional harm, I’ve learned not to refute them, but rather I opt to engage emotional intelligence by expressing sincere regret for having caused them to feel that way, while seeking to find out what it is they perceive[d] I said or did, then I beg their pardon with a promise to be mindful of never doing it again.
Why do I engage this approach?
I’ve come to realize that “human-nature” is operationally 90% (plus or minus) emotion, and 10% (plus or minus) logic; and emotional situations can prove deadly to relationships, opportunities, and in some instances, lives. So I opt to utilize emotional intelligence by taking full responsibility for the emotional harm someone perceives I’ve caused them because their perception is their reality. Therefore, in an effort to achieve immediate resolution, I acknowledge, accept responsibility for, apologize, and pledge never to do it again—and if I’m accused by a true psycho, I stay completely away from them, which guarantees there won’t be a “next time.”
Additionally, I’ve learned over the years that when emotions are involved, logic takes a backseat in most situations. So the first thing I do is conquer the initial component of engagement which is my emotional-self. Next, I quickly conclude—without verbalizing it—whether or not what I’m hearing is logical. In rapid succession, I assess the person’s approach to determine the level of intelligence vs. the level of emotion in play, all the while attempting to determine the possible risk(s) involved if I acknowledge/engage the situation. And lastly, I try to project the probability of achieving a positive outcome. All of this I attempt in a moment’s notice of an impending “situation.” Sometimes, if I’m caught off guard, I ask the person whether or not I can get back to them on the subject as a means to give myself ample time to properly address the matter. It took me half-a-life-time to learn about and develop emotional intelligence, and another half-a-lifetime to efficiently utilize it.
I’ve also learned and now practice “silence is golden.” And “golden” silence truly is! I’ve learned to be silent, which is paramount in developing critical listening skills. Being silent is a strategic means of not arming my opponent because when I’m silent, my opponent does not know what I’m thinking. THIS WAS A HUGELY DIFFICULT SKILL FOR ME TO DEVELOP—I failed miserably many times when I first started trying to remain silent during the course of… I literally use to get dizzy when “holding my peace/piece.” In the beginning, it nearly killed me to be silent. When I shared with a mentor that I get physically ill when I am quiet, that mentor mailed to a book titled: “The Art of War.” Now that I know how to be silent, there is nothing better in my arsenal. I KNOW HOW TO SHUT THE “F” UP! I feel empowered when I’m in a silent mode. I truly know what it means to “stand-down.”
In addition, I recognize[d] that it was in my best interest to go back to being humble because I was blowing my blessing by deserting my innate nature of being humble by allowing life’s circumstances to transform me into a brutal sharp-tongued resister of all things evil. And because I was honestly never the provocateur during my brutal and sharp-tongued moments, I felt justified in fighting back—and winning ugly. But it never felt good like I thought it should or would.
After a long period of time, I realized I had become what I always fought so diligently against. I became cruelly unforgiving, and after my opposition was successfully beat-back into their miserable demonized corners, something bad always happened to me—and I knew each time the laws of retribution had kicked in on me because I knew I was acting outside of my natural self, as well as the laws of the universe. So I self-reflected and beat myself back into submission/humility and grace.
After my most recent self-reflection, I recognized a need to reintroduced myself to my innate desire and ability to forgive, and now I’m back to being at peace with the world.
Peace unto to you as well.
Saishe See. Saishe Says.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Pisces Hate Love. Pisces Hate Rejection. Pisces Prefer Low-Life...
My Pisces have a stringent hatred for those who try to show them love--a disdain that is akin to Dracula's inability to tolerate sunlight. They honestly cannot tolerate love--it stresses them to the max and makes them physically and instantly ill, i.e., severe headaches, fatigue, nausea, pain somewhere in the body. Love enrages them. Whenever they encounter harmonious events and relationships, their natural proclivity to destroy rises to the surface and they stop whatever it is they are doing to put tons of effort into obliterating even the slightest moment(s) of joy and peace. They will even engage unimaginable lies to turn a good situation into a bad one; or flat out become violent, especially if the "attention" is not centered on or about them. When the Pisces discover two people or a group of people that genuinely love one another, they will interject themselves into [that] relationship for the purpose of destroying it--for no reason other than jealousy and their contempt for love.
And for God's sake, do not reject [a] Pisces or you'll have hell to pay. And God help you if you do not allow them to influence events--especially in social gatherings. They will insult you, your guest, and anyone who attempt to intervene to quell their rage over not being in the command role of "shot-caller." They will snap over not being able to control who can attend [your] event; or what music is played; or where [your] guest should sit; or how much food/drinks people should be allowed to consume; or if guest should be permitted to keep their shoes on; or if they don't like a person, that person should be ejected--crazy crap like that. I'm not talking about "kid" Pisces. I'm talking about "adult" Pisces.
[My ] Pisces are so bad about not being able to handle rejection and the lack of having a commanding role--in someone's life--they literally stalk the person [or people] on-site--all over them like lint on nylon--cussing and physically attacking in some instances. [My] Pisces honesty cannot grasp being told "no." It sends them into lunar-psychopathy and they have to be physically removed to stop their behavior. But then, they wait around on the outside for the target of their rage to exit so they can continue where they left off.
I've come to notice that my Pisces have a tendency to be attracted to low-life/low-information people. This sort of attraction is based on the Pisces always having to feel superior. They must have people around that have very little--people who look-up to them. They pretend to be financially well-off, and have no problem reminding the less fortunate that they are poor, uneducated, and otherwise "nothing" in the eyes of them and many others.
The other variable of my Pisces' preference(s) for the low/seedy side of life is because that is pretty much who they are. My Pisces are cunning liars; swindlers; thieves; beggars; untrustworthy manipulators; closet alcoholics; promiscuous; sneaky; back-stabbers; cheats; pretentious hucksters, and every other kind of seedy character there is--and I'm talking about the ones with good jobs and decent means by which to live. (I cannot even begin to describe the ones that don't have anything other than they are all of the above times one-million--and that's really bad.)
My female Pisces prefer low-life men, and my male Pisces prefer males over females in every aspect of their lives. The males find it difficult to bond with anyone, and usually gravitate towards gay men that they can easily control and manipulate--every last male Pisces [that was] in my life is like this. They are extremely mean and fussy, and have a tendency to tolerate men/people who treat them exceptionally bad. Go figure.
Keep in mind: I'm speaking of [all] the Pisces in my life--family and otherwise. And all of the above does not necessarily apply to you (as a Pisces) or any other Pisces you may know. Again: I'm sharing what I know and have experienced with the Pisces in my family and friends that use to be part of my life. I eliminated every Pisces I know from my life--family, friends, and foes--forever!
I'm simply saying, giving you additional insight into the Pisces that use to be in my life.
Saishe says...
Monday, May 6, 2013
"I" Come Before "U" [Even] In The Alphabet!
I am a product of generational compassion, patience, and generosity—it’s in my DNA, i.e.,I am genetically predisposed to being this way. I come from a long-line of nurturing women, and helping the “have-nots” and the vulnerable is a passed-down-through-the-generations tradition. Approximately 95% of us are this way; the other 5% [of us] are not “givers;” rather, they are “takers.” Many people have often said to me: “You’re too kind.” My standard reply has been: “I was raised this way.
I recognized the “giving” spirit in our family at a very young age. The women in our family were always helping people; and people would always come to them for advice (I was nosey, listening to everything the adults talked about—even if I had to hide to hear). They even made us share with others who were around that did not have what we had. It always felt right—to me anyway—and I grew-up believing people appreciate[d] kind considerations.
Up until the Year 2008, I was generous to a fault. And I say up until 2008 because my mother, on her death bed, instructed me and made me promise to reassess my relationships with people and my willingness to assist, especially family. She issued this directive: "Put yourself first." She recognized that I often denied myself the things I wanted or needed in order to help others, and she knew [some] people were taking advantage of my generosity/abusing my kindness.
During the course of my life, and prior to her death, my mother never tried to stop me from helping people. She raised us to help our “fellow man.” But if she was around when someone was asking for my help, and she felt that person sought my help too frequently, she would “grill” them on the basis of their need. She ventured to ask people: “What are doing with your money? How did you end-up in this predicament? How and when will you be able pay her back? Didn’t Saishe just help you not too long ago—again? I've been telling Saishe to put herself first and stop helping everybody with a sob-story and a fine life-style.”
I use to think she was being too harsh on the person [people]. I’m far from being stupid, but I would try interjecting on the person’s behalf when my mother would force them to justify their need(s). I persisted until she would give me the “look” while she was inquiring—a “look” I read well every time. The “look” meant “shut the hell up! I’m trying to identify this person’s motive(s).” She would [then] tell me: “Saishe, you are generous to a fault.” I was ignorant as to what she meant by that, and it took me several decades to grasp the true essence of what she was telling me.
Several days before “Mothers Day” in 2007, my mother said me to: Saishe, before I die, I have to impart this tid-bit of realism: "I" comes before "U" in the alphabet. “Start saying no to people…you need to test the merits of your relationships with people…people only call or hang-around you because they know you will give them anything they need—no matter how much or how often…if you start saying no, you will find out who is for-real and who isn’t because the fake takers will disappear instantly, and the ones who appear to be for-real might stick-around—but I doubt it because when they realize the getting isn’t good anymore, they’ll push-off to…it is my belief that after you start saying no, everybody will disappear and you’ll be the last one standing in the ‘game’… I promise you, you will be alone…” She went on to say: “Stop trying to buy love…most people lack appreciation for the things you do for them because the ones you’re helping now and in the past treat you like s---…and they will quickly show you that if you start saying no to them…” Every time she said things like this to me a chill would rush through my core causing me to shutter because part of me knew she was speaking the truth.
It took awhile for me to recalibrate myself to say “no” when someone asked me for money or some other extraordinary favor. It was hard to turn them down—it wasn’t innate for me to say “no.” I mean: I really struggled with it, but I had to do it because I was living a painful existence, i.e., I was exceptionally good to people, yet they (especially family) often abused me in some manner. I firmly use to believe that if I am respectful and good to you, by you, and for you, you have no reason to hurt me. As smart as I am, nevertheless I was credulous when I thought [my] help was needed.
In the meantime, while I was recalibrating, I starting asking for help—not financial—from family members with things like helping me clean-out my basement or garage, mowing my lawn, or moving large furniture for paint jobs, etc., and every time I was turned down. This helped me tremendously in learning how to say “no” to them.
Eventually, I achieved reprogramming myself. I’ve been saying “no” since the Year 2008, and family disappeared just like Mama said they would, including the “takers” on the periphery of life that were sent to me.
However, I am still a “giver” to children and senior citizens in need. I just don’t do the healthy and the greedy any more. I lost the desire to “give unconditionally” because there should be conditions—"people do not respect free," nor do they respect that which they receive without condition(s). One of my mentors (who was an Economist and Certified Public Accountant, etc.) told me this and he also said: “People respect and value that which they pay for…”
Ask yourself whether or not you’re a “giver.” If so, do an inventory of your “giving.”
If at any time you don't feel right about “giving,” test the merit of your relationship(s) like I did. Start saying “no,” and watch/assess the reaction(s) of the seeker(s). Better yet, ask for their help and see if they’re willing to help you.
On a final note: Since I’ve started saying “no,” I’ve been noticing that [most] people have a healthy dislike for people they cannot manipulate or “freeload” from. The "takers" in my life now know that I know the essence of "I" come before "U."
Saishe Sees! Saishe Says!
I recognized the “giving” spirit in our family at a very young age. The women in our family were always helping people; and people would always come to them for advice (I was nosey, listening to everything the adults talked about—even if I had to hide to hear). They even made us share with others who were around that did not have what we had. It always felt right—to me anyway—and I grew-up believing people appreciate[d] kind considerations.
Up until the Year 2008, I was generous to a fault. And I say up until 2008 because my mother, on her death bed, instructed me and made me promise to reassess my relationships with people and my willingness to assist, especially family. She issued this directive: "Put yourself first." She recognized that I often denied myself the things I wanted or needed in order to help others, and she knew [some] people were taking advantage of my generosity/abusing my kindness.
During the course of my life, and prior to her death, my mother never tried to stop me from helping people. She raised us to help our “fellow man.” But if she was around when someone was asking for my help, and she felt that person sought my help too frequently, she would “grill” them on the basis of their need. She ventured to ask people: “What are doing with your money? How did you end-up in this predicament? How and when will you be able pay her back? Didn’t Saishe just help you not too long ago—again? I've been telling Saishe to put herself first and stop helping everybody with a sob-story and a fine life-style.”
I use to think she was being too harsh on the person [people]. I’m far from being stupid, but I would try interjecting on the person’s behalf when my mother would force them to justify their need(s). I persisted until she would give me the “look” while she was inquiring—a “look” I read well every time. The “look” meant “shut the hell up! I’m trying to identify this person’s motive(s).” She would [then] tell me: “Saishe, you are generous to a fault.” I was ignorant as to what she meant by that, and it took me several decades to grasp the true essence of what she was telling me.
Several days before “Mothers Day” in 2007, my mother said me to: Saishe, before I die, I have to impart this tid-bit of realism: "I" comes before "U" in the alphabet. “Start saying no to people…you need to test the merits of your relationships with people…people only call or hang-around you because they know you will give them anything they need—no matter how much or how often…if you start saying no, you will find out who is for-real and who isn’t because the fake takers will disappear instantly, and the ones who appear to be for-real might stick-around—but I doubt it because when they realize the getting isn’t good anymore, they’ll push-off to…it is my belief that after you start saying no, everybody will disappear and you’ll be the last one standing in the ‘game’… I promise you, you will be alone…” She went on to say: “Stop trying to buy love…most people lack appreciation for the things you do for them because the ones you’re helping now and in the past treat you like s---…and they will quickly show you that if you start saying no to them…” Every time she said things like this to me a chill would rush through my core causing me to shutter because part of me knew she was speaking the truth.
It took awhile for me to recalibrate myself to say “no” when someone asked me for money or some other extraordinary favor. It was hard to turn them down—it wasn’t innate for me to say “no.” I mean: I really struggled with it, but I had to do it because I was living a painful existence, i.e., I was exceptionally good to people, yet they (especially family) often abused me in some manner. I firmly use to believe that if I am respectful and good to you, by you, and for you, you have no reason to hurt me. As smart as I am, nevertheless I was credulous when I thought [my] help was needed.
In the meantime, while I was recalibrating, I starting asking for help—not financial—from family members with things like helping me clean-out my basement or garage, mowing my lawn, or moving large furniture for paint jobs, etc., and every time I was turned down. This helped me tremendously in learning how to say “no” to them.
Eventually, I achieved reprogramming myself. I’ve been saying “no” since the Year 2008, and family disappeared just like Mama said they would, including the “takers” on the periphery of life that were sent to me.
However, I am still a “giver” to children and senior citizens in need. I just don’t do the healthy and the greedy any more. I lost the desire to “give unconditionally” because there should be conditions—"people do not respect free," nor do they respect that which they receive without condition(s). One of my mentors (who was an Economist and Certified Public Accountant, etc.) told me this and he also said: “People respect and value that which they pay for…”
Ask yourself whether or not you’re a “giver.” If so, do an inventory of your “giving.”
If at any time you don't feel right about “giving,” test the merit of your relationship(s) like I did. Start saying “no,” and watch/assess the reaction(s) of the seeker(s). Better yet, ask for their help and see if they’re willing to help you.
On a final note: Since I’ve started saying “no,” I’ve been noticing that [most] people have a healthy dislike for people they cannot manipulate or “freeload” from. The "takers" in my life now know that I know the essence of "I" come before "U."
Saishe Sees! Saishe Says!
Familiarity Breeds Contempt
Are you familiar with the wise old saying: Familiarity breeds contempt?” If not, take the time to acquaint yourself then take heed to it because its meaning is one of the principal avenues people use to abuse you emotionally and/or destroy your integrity.
While growing up my mother often broached this subject to assure and remind me and my siblings that privacy is the best policy. She trained us not to volunteer information and to only answer what is asked of us—if the inquiry was not too intrusive. Frequently, she told us: “The less people know about you, the better.” This is a principle that she required us to believe, adhere to, and live by.
Whenever my mother was in the presence of us and our [so-call] friends, and she heard them asking us personal questions, she would cut us off cold from answering the question(s) and ask them: “What is the value in you knowing that? Why do you want to know that?" Or, she would bluntly say: “That is absolutely none of your business! Stop asking people about their personal business! A dog that’ll bring a bone will carry a bone…” And sometimes she would say to us in front of our friend(s): “This girl is not your friend.” Then she would make them leave our home. Yeah! It was always shocking to witness.
Although we always followed our mother’s lead, we felt—when we were young—that she was being “old-school” and untrusting; didn’t want us to have friends, etc. And of course our friends did not like her at all. But guess what: Mama was right! Over the years, I perfected being a “heeder” of my mother’s advice.
Familiar means: To know (Known). Breed means: Produce. Contempt means Disrespect/Hatred…
When you reveal secrets, personal and/or confidential information to others, you are making that information known thereby making people familiar with you and your circumstances. If and when a falling-out occurs between you and that person, more than likely that person will use the information they know about you to breed (produce and unleash) contempt (disrespect/hatred) for you.
Most of my life, I have been an extremely private person. Early on in life, I became “the wiser,” and began fiercely guarding my privacy, allowing absolutely no one to breach it. And if anyone made an attempt, I would stop them in their tracks (and there has been a few I had to damage psychologically for life—no holds barred! Believe it!). But I learned that “family” members are the truly the ones who use what they know about you against you.
My sisters were the biggest offenders at exercising “familiarity breeds contempt,” especially the one who is a Scorpio—this female is deadly. So while I harbored a utopian concept about family, I seldom share[d] anything personal about me with them. Whatever my sisters knew about me was by default because we lived in the same house. They initially taught me not to trust people with confidential information.
When we were kids, I noticed that whenever one of my sisters was around a particular friend, respectively, they would slander another friend who wasn’t present. Then when the slandered friend came [back] around, they would vilify the friend that participated in the slandering of the previously slandered friend. This was disgusting to me. I was always insulted by such behavior and would take my sisters to task for it in the presence of their friend(s). I would even go as far as reading the riot act to their friends for engaging then pretending to be friends with the very people they held contempt for. Witnessing what my sisters and their friends did to others was a driving force behind me being afraid to have friends. But what really convinced not to tell [people] anything personal about me was my mother telling my business anytime, anywhere, to anyone--this blew me.
The few friends I had early in my adulthood proved as well to be practitioners of familiarity breeds contempt. I made it perfectly clear to them how adverse I was to them stabbing [their] friends/family in the back, and assumed if they did it to people who placed confidence in them they would do it to me. So needless-to-say, I never was able to maintain friendships due to my principles. And to this day, I do not have any friends. Rather, I have a couple acquaintances with whom I socialize with on limited as-needed basis. I do not have allow visitors in my home—even some family members—and seldom do I visit other people. And I never, ever discuss any personal or business matters with anyone. I am guilty only of speaking-up when the time comes—no matter who it is or what it is about. Eventually people stopped coming to me with malicious gossip, and cautioned others about the tongue-lashing they would-be-in-for if they engaged in my presence.
I have seen familiarity breeds contempt” in-play and it’s ugly. So whenever I am approached by someone who became a victim and want counseling, the first thing I ask the person is: Are you still associating with the perpetrator?” If the response is “yes,” I ask “why.” Usually their response is non-sense so I simply say to them: “The less people know about you, the better—remember that and stop making the same mistake by telling people your business.”
In most instances, it is easy to identify people who are capable of or have intent on being a practitioner of “familiarity breeds contempt” because they ask too many questions. Usually, 90% to 100% of their conversation(s) with you consists of questions—probing—rarely offering up information pertaining to them. Their queries are usually highly personal and targeted; and when they don’t receive the exact information they are seeking, they regularly become extremely and oddly irritated. Beware! Also beware of friends who become irritated with you for no reason—they are definitely guilty of betraying your trust.
Be alert to people who bring negative information to you about others and prologue (introduce) their unfavorable commentary by stating: “Don’t tell them I told you but...” The person is definitely not your friend. If a “real” friend want to make you aware of something they think you should know, they do not ask you to hide the source of the information they’ve given you, and they will defend your honor—upfront, on-the-spot (like I do/have done).
Never be reluctant to walk away from people who violate your trust. If a person, including family ever betray you and/or cause you to suffer any level of emotional pain that has proven to be mentally and/or physically unhealthy for you, keep them out of your life—even stay away from the people they socialize with.
If you’re in a place or a situation that scares you, or is otherwise adverse to you and your way of life, leave and stay away from that place or situation. You can only be exposed to that which you subject yourself to—or allow others to subject you to. You do not owe anyone your peace of mind, nor should you never knowingly give access to a person who has already infringed your reputation or integrity.
I have eliminated so many people and family members from my life(including people on the periphery of their respective lives)that I virtually became an observationist(loner). However, I'm not suggesting that you become a loner, but I am recommending that you eliminate those from your life who violate your trust.
One other thing: The longer I exist as an observationist the better I'm getting to know myself—and others.
Love, Saishe (Sees. Saishe Says.)
While growing up my mother often broached this subject to assure and remind me and my siblings that privacy is the best policy. She trained us not to volunteer information and to only answer what is asked of us—if the inquiry was not too intrusive. Frequently, she told us: “The less people know about you, the better.” This is a principle that she required us to believe, adhere to, and live by.
Whenever my mother was in the presence of us and our [so-call] friends, and she heard them asking us personal questions, she would cut us off cold from answering the question(s) and ask them: “What is the value in you knowing that? Why do you want to know that?" Or, she would bluntly say: “That is absolutely none of your business! Stop asking people about their personal business! A dog that’ll bring a bone will carry a bone…” And sometimes she would say to us in front of our friend(s): “This girl is not your friend.” Then she would make them leave our home. Yeah! It was always shocking to witness.
Although we always followed our mother’s lead, we felt—when we were young—that she was being “old-school” and untrusting; didn’t want us to have friends, etc. And of course our friends did not like her at all. But guess what: Mama was right! Over the years, I perfected being a “heeder” of my mother’s advice.
Familiar means: To know (Known). Breed means: Produce. Contempt means Disrespect/Hatred…
When you reveal secrets, personal and/or confidential information to others, you are making that information known thereby making people familiar with you and your circumstances. If and when a falling-out occurs between you and that person, more than likely that person will use the information they know about you to breed (produce and unleash) contempt (disrespect/hatred) for you.
Most of my life, I have been an extremely private person. Early on in life, I became “the wiser,” and began fiercely guarding my privacy, allowing absolutely no one to breach it. And if anyone made an attempt, I would stop them in their tracks (and there has been a few I had to damage psychologically for life—no holds barred! Believe it!). But I learned that “family” members are the truly the ones who use what they know about you against you.
My sisters were the biggest offenders at exercising “familiarity breeds contempt,” especially the one who is a Scorpio—this female is deadly. So while I harbored a utopian concept about family, I seldom share[d] anything personal about me with them. Whatever my sisters knew about me was by default because we lived in the same house. They initially taught me not to trust people with confidential information.
When we were kids, I noticed that whenever one of my sisters was around a particular friend, respectively, they would slander another friend who wasn’t present. Then when the slandered friend came [back] around, they would vilify the friend that participated in the slandering of the previously slandered friend. This was disgusting to me. I was always insulted by such behavior and would take my sisters to task for it in the presence of their friend(s). I would even go as far as reading the riot act to their friends for engaging then pretending to be friends with the very people they held contempt for. Witnessing what my sisters and their friends did to others was a driving force behind me being afraid to have friends. But what really convinced not to tell [people] anything personal about me was my mother telling my business anytime, anywhere, to anyone--this blew me.
The few friends I had early in my adulthood proved as well to be practitioners of familiarity breeds contempt. I made it perfectly clear to them how adverse I was to them stabbing [their] friends/family in the back, and assumed if they did it to people who placed confidence in them they would do it to me. So needless-to-say, I never was able to maintain friendships due to my principles. And to this day, I do not have any friends. Rather, I have a couple acquaintances with whom I socialize with on limited as-needed basis. I do not have allow visitors in my home—even some family members—and seldom do I visit other people. And I never, ever discuss any personal or business matters with anyone. I am guilty only of speaking-up when the time comes—no matter who it is or what it is about. Eventually people stopped coming to me with malicious gossip, and cautioned others about the tongue-lashing they would-be-in-for if they engaged in my presence.
I have seen familiarity breeds contempt” in-play and it’s ugly. So whenever I am approached by someone who became a victim and want counseling, the first thing I ask the person is: Are you still associating with the perpetrator?” If the response is “yes,” I ask “why.” Usually their response is non-sense so I simply say to them: “The less people know about you, the better—remember that and stop making the same mistake by telling people your business.”
In most instances, it is easy to identify people who are capable of or have intent on being a practitioner of “familiarity breeds contempt” because they ask too many questions. Usually, 90% to 100% of their conversation(s) with you consists of questions—probing—rarely offering up information pertaining to them. Their queries are usually highly personal and targeted; and when they don’t receive the exact information they are seeking, they regularly become extremely and oddly irritated. Beware! Also beware of friends who become irritated with you for no reason—they are definitely guilty of betraying your trust.
Be alert to people who bring negative information to you about others and prologue (introduce) their unfavorable commentary by stating: “Don’t tell them I told you but...” The person is definitely not your friend. If a “real” friend want to make you aware of something they think you should know, they do not ask you to hide the source of the information they’ve given you, and they will defend your honor—upfront, on-the-spot (like I do/have done).
Never be reluctant to walk away from people who violate your trust. If a person, including family ever betray you and/or cause you to suffer any level of emotional pain that has proven to be mentally and/or physically unhealthy for you, keep them out of your life—even stay away from the people they socialize with.
If you’re in a place or a situation that scares you, or is otherwise adverse to you and your way of life, leave and stay away from that place or situation. You can only be exposed to that which you subject yourself to—or allow others to subject you to. You do not owe anyone your peace of mind, nor should you never knowingly give access to a person who has already infringed your reputation or integrity.
I have eliminated so many people and family members from my life(including people on the periphery of their respective lives)that I virtually became an observationist(loner). However, I'm not suggesting that you become a loner, but I am recommending that you eliminate those from your life who violate your trust.
One other thing: The longer I exist as an observationist the better I'm getting to know myself—and others.
Love, Saishe (Sees. Saishe Says.)
Friday, March 22, 2013
Children Who Abuse Their Mothers
Recently, while in my doctor’s office, I—along with several other patients—witnessed a young woman in her mid-to-late thirties verbally and physically abusing her mother—who appeared to be in her early-to-mid sixties--after being called to see the doctor. The daughter’s tone was seething with contempt so much that I had to speak-up. And the fact that she slapped be mother in the back almost made me jump up and man-handle her.
I said to the daughter: “Sweetheart, your mother obviously cannot move as quickly as you’d like. Be more patient with her. Don’t treat her like that—that’s your mother.” The woman rolled her eyes at me--at which I felt my animal instincts surfaced again. This time I firmly said to the young woman: "If you hit or snatch your mother again, I'm going to be forced to protect her. So please do not snatch or slap her on the back again because I'm confident I am not going to like to go to jail."
After the doctor’s assistant again called them back to an examination room, the rest of us broke-out in discussion about what we had just witnessed. And I was astounded to learn that there was not one woman, respectively, sitting in that reception area that had not been abused in some shape, form or fashion by their adult child. We talked about how common it is now that younger people, particularly our children have no honor for their parents.
Later that same day, a neighbor contacted me via email telling me about how her 31-year old daughter cussed her out earlier in the day because she [my neighbor] would not allow her to use her car for a weekend out of town trip. My neighbor was devastated.
After reading her email, I called her. We talked and she cried for a couple of hours. She could not come to grips with the fact that her daughter spewed out such hatred, including calling her hideous names. She said to me: “…I had no idea she felt that way about me…I’m her mother.” I reminded her that she is not alone and referred her back to my daughter, as well as what I had witnessed earlier while at my doctor’s office.
As soon as our call ended, I decided to write about mothers who are abused by the children.
I know some of you have read my blog post titled: “A Daughter from Hell,” but the following serves to give further insight as to how I viewed and handled my situation with my daughter.
[Reminder:] I am a mother with a very cruel and abusive adult daughter, who has been this way all of her life. But I don't accept it. The end result was banishing her from my life forever. And I'm all good with it. No more "noise" in my life. Loving it!
It is one thing to have to put-up with an abusive son or daughter when they are minors. But it is quite another to tolerate an adult off-spring that is abusive--verbally and/or physically.
My daughter isn't crazy enough to physically abuse me because she knows she would end up in the hospital, jail or cemetery, exactly in that order. But she is not only verbally abusive to me, she is also abusive to her son and everyone who does not tolerate her lies, or people that she cannot manipulate in to giving her what she wants. My daughter is 41 years old.
I am specifically addressing parents, particularly mothers, who are [being] verbally and/or physically abused by their adult child or children, over the age of 18.
Do like I did: Urge your child to seek professional counseling. If your child refuses, banish him/her from your life and stick to it. Just because you are that child's mother [or father], that does not mean you are obligated to allow them to be a part of your life, especially with them terrorizing you.
My situation with my daughter became so tenured that I had to make a decision. I not only banished my daughter from my life, she is restricted from entering my home even after I die. She is completely disinherited, i.e., when I die, she will receive absolutely nothing from me or anything that belonged to me. She has been removed and replaced as beneficiary on insurance policies, bank accounts, etc. I literally had to set-the-stage to show her that there are serious consequences for her behavior. And I will never reverse my [ultimate] decisions.
By the way: No one could have ever convinced me that one day I would renounce my unconditional love for my daughter. You heard it right: I have resigned from loving my daughter. Why? Because my daughter is so vicious (cruel, nasty, brutal, inhuman, violent, sadistic, spiteful, malicious, mean, rancorous, backbiting, venomous, hurtful) I no longer have any love for her. I do not trust her with my love, and certainly do not trust her in my presence. Yeap! It’s like that. I have mourned her and moved on. She can never come back to me.
Don’t get me wrong: I have forgiven her—which is why she is still breathing God’s fresh air and walking [his] earth. It is simply a matter of never forgetting all the horrific lies she has told, the unimaginable things she has said, and the ugly/godforsaken things she has done to me, her father, my grandson and others. She does not deserve and will never receive any additional considerations and goodness from me. I’m just keeping it real. Most mothers do not have the courage I have. But I am counseling you on how to take “your power” back.
If your relationship with your child is any where close to where mine [was] with my daughter, or is worse, do as I did. Reject the relationship. Do not subject yourself to the highest level of dishonor and abuse from your child. Let him, her, or them know then let them go. You'll feel alone for a “minute” (for a while), but you’ll be at peace.
As humans, we are predisposed to heartache caused by our children because we try to hang-on to them for the rest of our lives. This is not normal. I have come to believe that as humans, we need to take heed to how animals relate to their off-spring. They acknowledge and adhere to their natural instinct(s).
If you have ever paid [any] attention to animals in the wild kingdom, you [may have] noticed how animals do it: They protect their off-spring while they're young--and without hesitation and on basic instincts, will kill to protect them. They teach them what to, where, and how to hunt, where and how to hide, and travel. But after an animal mother raises and teaches her off-spring how to survive, they force them to leave her forever. And in some instances, if she ever runs across any of them and they challenge or threaten her, her basic survival instincts kick-in, and she view them as just another asshole in the jungle and will kill them on the spot if necessary.
I’m not suggesting that human mothers kill their adult children. I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT AT ALL! But what I am saying is this: Never, ever allow yourself to be subjugated (dominated or conquered) by something you "shitted out," (birthed). Do not be afraid to have them arrested--and by all means, go to court; make them suffer the consequences. And pu-leeeeze distance yourself from your child and their reach.
Many people who are familiar with my decision to expel my daughter from my life [use to] to say to me: "Saishe, that's your daughter!" My reply: "Yeah. And therefore what? You honestly believe I'm suppose to humble myself to the epitome of terriorism from a kid I gave birth to? You have got to be out of your mind as well. I do not, under any circumstances tolerate such behavior, especially after a patten has been set."
So I say to all mothers/parents who are being and have been verbally/physically abused by their child: Do not be afraid to expel them from your life. Mothers/parents do not owe their sanity, safety, and well-being to their off-spring. Our problems begin when we as mothers/parents go against the natural grain of what is expected and acceptable.
Respectfully,
Saishe.
I said to the daughter: “Sweetheart, your mother obviously cannot move as quickly as you’d like. Be more patient with her. Don’t treat her like that—that’s your mother.” The woman rolled her eyes at me--at which I felt my animal instincts surfaced again. This time I firmly said to the young woman: "If you hit or snatch your mother again, I'm going to be forced to protect her. So please do not snatch or slap her on the back again because I'm confident I am not going to like to go to jail."
After the doctor’s assistant again called them back to an examination room, the rest of us broke-out in discussion about what we had just witnessed. And I was astounded to learn that there was not one woman, respectively, sitting in that reception area that had not been abused in some shape, form or fashion by their adult child. We talked about how common it is now that younger people, particularly our children have no honor for their parents.
Later that same day, a neighbor contacted me via email telling me about how her 31-year old daughter cussed her out earlier in the day because she [my neighbor] would not allow her to use her car for a weekend out of town trip. My neighbor was devastated.
After reading her email, I called her. We talked and she cried for a couple of hours. She could not come to grips with the fact that her daughter spewed out such hatred, including calling her hideous names. She said to me: “…I had no idea she felt that way about me…I’m her mother.” I reminded her that she is not alone and referred her back to my daughter, as well as what I had witnessed earlier while at my doctor’s office.
As soon as our call ended, I decided to write about mothers who are abused by the children.
I know some of you have read my blog post titled: “A Daughter from Hell,” but the following serves to give further insight as to how I viewed and handled my situation with my daughter.
[Reminder:] I am a mother with a very cruel and abusive adult daughter, who has been this way all of her life. But I don't accept it. The end result was banishing her from my life forever. And I'm all good with it. No more "noise" in my life. Loving it!
It is one thing to have to put-up with an abusive son or daughter when they are minors. But it is quite another to tolerate an adult off-spring that is abusive--verbally and/or physically.
My daughter isn't crazy enough to physically abuse me because she knows she would end up in the hospital, jail or cemetery, exactly in that order. But she is not only verbally abusive to me, she is also abusive to her son and everyone who does not tolerate her lies, or people that she cannot manipulate in to giving her what she wants. My daughter is 41 years old.
I am specifically addressing parents, particularly mothers, who are [being] verbally and/or physically abused by their adult child or children, over the age of 18.
Do like I did: Urge your child to seek professional counseling. If your child refuses, banish him/her from your life and stick to it. Just because you are that child's mother [or father], that does not mean you are obligated to allow them to be a part of your life, especially with them terrorizing you.
My situation with my daughter became so tenured that I had to make a decision. I not only banished my daughter from my life, she is restricted from entering my home even after I die. She is completely disinherited, i.e., when I die, she will receive absolutely nothing from me or anything that belonged to me. She has been removed and replaced as beneficiary on insurance policies, bank accounts, etc. I literally had to set-the-stage to show her that there are serious consequences for her behavior. And I will never reverse my [ultimate] decisions.
By the way: No one could have ever convinced me that one day I would renounce my unconditional love for my daughter. You heard it right: I have resigned from loving my daughter. Why? Because my daughter is so vicious (cruel, nasty, brutal, inhuman, violent, sadistic, spiteful, malicious, mean, rancorous, backbiting, venomous, hurtful) I no longer have any love for her. I do not trust her with my love, and certainly do not trust her in my presence. Yeap! It’s like that. I have mourned her and moved on. She can never come back to me.
Don’t get me wrong: I have forgiven her—which is why she is still breathing God’s fresh air and walking [his] earth. It is simply a matter of never forgetting all the horrific lies she has told, the unimaginable things she has said, and the ugly/godforsaken things she has done to me, her father, my grandson and others. She does not deserve and will never receive any additional considerations and goodness from me. I’m just keeping it real. Most mothers do not have the courage I have. But I am counseling you on how to take “your power” back.
If your relationship with your child is any where close to where mine [was] with my daughter, or is worse, do as I did. Reject the relationship. Do not subject yourself to the highest level of dishonor and abuse from your child. Let him, her, or them know then let them go. You'll feel alone for a “minute” (for a while), but you’ll be at peace.
As humans, we are predisposed to heartache caused by our children because we try to hang-on to them for the rest of our lives. This is not normal. I have come to believe that as humans, we need to take heed to how animals relate to their off-spring. They acknowledge and adhere to their natural instinct(s).
If you have ever paid [any] attention to animals in the wild kingdom, you [may have] noticed how animals do it: They protect their off-spring while they're young--and without hesitation and on basic instincts, will kill to protect them. They teach them what to, where, and how to hunt, where and how to hide, and travel. But after an animal mother raises and teaches her off-spring how to survive, they force them to leave her forever. And in some instances, if she ever runs across any of them and they challenge or threaten her, her basic survival instincts kick-in, and she view them as just another asshole in the jungle and will kill them on the spot if necessary.
I’m not suggesting that human mothers kill their adult children. I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT AT ALL! But what I am saying is this: Never, ever allow yourself to be subjugated (dominated or conquered) by something you "shitted out," (birthed). Do not be afraid to have them arrested--and by all means, go to court; make them suffer the consequences. And pu-leeeeze distance yourself from your child and their reach.
Many people who are familiar with my decision to expel my daughter from my life [use to] to say to me: "Saishe, that's your daughter!" My reply: "Yeah. And therefore what? You honestly believe I'm suppose to humble myself to the epitome of terriorism from a kid I gave birth to? You have got to be out of your mind as well. I do not, under any circumstances tolerate such behavior, especially after a patten has been set."
So I say to all mothers/parents who are being and have been verbally/physically abused by their child: Do not be afraid to expel them from your life. Mothers/parents do not owe their sanity, safety, and well-being to their off-spring. Our problems begin when we as mothers/parents go against the natural grain of what is expected and acceptable.
Respectfully,
Saishe.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
You Asked Yourself: Why Do "They" Treat Me So Bad
Have you ever wondered why someone treats you so cruel irrespective of your track record of always being kind, considerate, and generous to them? I know you have. But you haven’t yet figured out why they are vastly ungrateful, treat you so bad, take you for granted, and ultimately disrespect you even in public view.
Well allow me to tell you why: That person or those people believe you are weak. Yes! Weak! And they have absolutely no respect for you. In fact, they hate you, but they want to keep receiving what you are giving.
Take a minute—or several if need be—to consider the laws of nature/the law of the jungle—where being weak gets you killed.
When an animal is perceived to possess weaknesses such as being meek (gentle), sick or injured, fearful, or old, they are targeted to be destroyed (killed and/or consumed). Animals do this because they have zero-tolerance for [all of the above] weaknesses, i.e., weak energy is a profound aggravation, and the only way to overcome it is to terrorize it and destroy it. The same holds true among humans.
Cesar Milan (the “Dog Whisper”) often advise people that dogs perceive all of the above as weaknesses and naturally position themselves to challenge or harm you because they do not respect and will never submit to a “weak-energy” pack leader. Humans function exactly the same way—we just find it unacceptable.
Eons ago, a wise person declared: “People take kindness for weakness.” Meaning: When people think you are weak, they will prey upon your kindness and destroy you with words, acts of cruelty, and ultimately via physical destruction or elimination. This innate (natural) behavior among humans is identical to the natural behavior among animals—cold and warm-blooded.
Upon my acceptance of this sad but true reality, I find myself withdrawing from perpetrators of evil and demonstrators of ungratefulness—even among family, including my own child. I’m more silent about offering kind gestures and I’m completely intolerant of those who seek to offend acts of good will and compassion. I no longer second-guess whether “this person” meant to hurt me. Like animals, I totally rely on [my] instinct: If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. I do not continue along “that” path with trepidation (fear). Rather, I go in the opposite direction—away from “it” just as my instinct instructed me to do. As opposed to holding on to someone or some thing that has demonstrated over-and-over their contempt (disrespect/hatred) for my genuine and unconditional kindness, I’ve garnered the strength and courage to let them know then let them [“it”] go—permanently. No matter how much I love[d] them, and no matter how much I didn’t want to lose them, I walked completely away—never looking back. And it feels good. Oh so good. I’m at peace now—lonely but at peace. There is no noise in my life.
It’s that simple.
Now that you know let “it” and/or “them” go. Immediately after, you’ll find peace like I did.
I’m just sharing and saying!
Saishe Brokesom
Well allow me to tell you why: That person or those people believe you are weak. Yes! Weak! And they have absolutely no respect for you. In fact, they hate you, but they want to keep receiving what you are giving.
Take a minute—or several if need be—to consider the laws of nature/the law of the jungle—where being weak gets you killed.
When an animal is perceived to possess weaknesses such as being meek (gentle), sick or injured, fearful, or old, they are targeted to be destroyed (killed and/or consumed). Animals do this because they have zero-tolerance for [all of the above] weaknesses, i.e., weak energy is a profound aggravation, and the only way to overcome it is to terrorize it and destroy it. The same holds true among humans.
Cesar Milan (the “Dog Whisper”) often advise people that dogs perceive all of the above as weaknesses and naturally position themselves to challenge or harm you because they do not respect and will never submit to a “weak-energy” pack leader. Humans function exactly the same way—we just find it unacceptable.
Eons ago, a wise person declared: “People take kindness for weakness.” Meaning: When people think you are weak, they will prey upon your kindness and destroy you with words, acts of cruelty, and ultimately via physical destruction or elimination. This innate (natural) behavior among humans is identical to the natural behavior among animals—cold and warm-blooded.
Upon my acceptance of this sad but true reality, I find myself withdrawing from perpetrators of evil and demonstrators of ungratefulness—even among family, including my own child. I’m more silent about offering kind gestures and I’m completely intolerant of those who seek to offend acts of good will and compassion. I no longer second-guess whether “this person” meant to hurt me. Like animals, I totally rely on [my] instinct: If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. I do not continue along “that” path with trepidation (fear). Rather, I go in the opposite direction—away from “it” just as my instinct instructed me to do. As opposed to holding on to someone or some thing that has demonstrated over-and-over their contempt (disrespect/hatred) for my genuine and unconditional kindness, I’ve garnered the strength and courage to let them know then let them [“it”] go—permanently. No matter how much I love[d] them, and no matter how much I didn’t want to lose them, I walked completely away—never looking back. And it feels good. Oh so good. I’m at peace now—lonely but at peace. There is no noise in my life.
It’s that simple.
Now that you know let “it” and/or “them” go. Immediately after, you’ll find peace like I did.
I’m just sharing and saying!
Saishe Brokesom
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