Familiarity Breeds Contempt

Are you familiar with the wise old saying: Familiarity breeds contempt?” If not, take the time to acquaint yourself then take heed to it because its meaning is one of the principal avenues people use to abuse you emotionally and/or destroy your integrity.


While growing up my mother often broached this subject to assure and remind me and my siblings that privacy is the best policy. She trained us not to volunteer information and to only answer what is asked of us—if the inquiry was not too intrusive. Frequently, she told us: “The less people know about you, the better.” This is a principle that she required us to believe, adhere to, and live by.

Whenever my mother was in the presence of us and our [so-call] friends, and she heard them asking us personal questions, she would cut us off cold from answering the question(s) and ask them: “What is the value in you knowing that? Why do you want to know that?" Or, she would bluntly say: “That is absolutely none of your business! Stop asking people about their personal business! A dog that’ll bring a bone will carry a bone…” And sometimes she would say to us in front of our friend(s): “This girl is not your friend.” Then she would make them leave our home. Yeah! It was always shocking to witness.

Although we always followed our mother’s lead, we felt—when we were young—that she was being “old-school” and untrusting; didn’t want us to have friends, etc. And of course our friends did not like her at all. But guess what: Mama was right! Over the years, I perfected being a “heeder” of my mother’s advice.

Familiar means: To know (Known). Breed means: Produce. Contempt means Disrespect/Hatred…

When you reveal secrets, personal and/or confidential information to others, you are making that information known thereby making people familiar with you and your circumstances. If and when a falling-out occurs between you and that person, more than likely that person will use the information they know about you to breed (produce and unleash) contempt (disrespect/hatred) for you.

Most of my life, I have been an extremely private person. Early on in life, I became “the wiser,” and began fiercely guarding my privacy, allowing absolutely no one to breach it. And if anyone made an attempt, I would stop them in their tracks (and there has been a few I had to damage psychologically for life—no holds barred! Believe it!). But I learned that “family” members are the truly the ones who use what they know about you against you.

My sisters were the biggest offenders at exercising “familiarity breeds contempt,” especially the one who is a Scorpio—this female is deadly. So while I harbored a utopian concept about family, I seldom share[d] anything personal about me with them. Whatever my sisters knew about me was by default because we lived in the same house. They initially taught me not to trust people with confidential information.

When we were kids, I noticed that whenever one of my sisters was around a particular friend, respectively, they would slander another friend who wasn’t present. Then when the slandered friend came [back] around, they would vilify the friend that participated in the slandering of the previously slandered friend. This was disgusting to me. I was always insulted by such behavior and would take my sisters to task for it in the presence of their friend(s). I would even go as far as reading the riot act to their friends for engaging then pretending to be friends with the very people they held contempt for. Witnessing what my sisters and their friends did to others was a driving force behind me being afraid to have friends. But what really convinced not to tell [people] anything personal about me was my mother telling my business anytime, anywhere, to anyone--this blew me.

The few friends I had early in my adulthood proved as well to be practitioners of familiarity breeds contempt. I made it perfectly clear to them how adverse I was to them stabbing [their] friends/family in the back, and assumed if they did it to people who placed confidence in them they would do it to me. So needless-to-say, I never was able to maintain friendships due to my principles. And to this day, I do not have any friends. Rather, I have a couple acquaintances with whom I socialize with on limited as-needed basis. I do not have allow visitors in my home—even some family members—and seldom do I visit other people. And I never, ever discuss any personal or business matters with anyone. I am guilty only of speaking-up when the time comes—no matter who it is or what it is about. Eventually people stopped coming to me with malicious gossip, and cautioned others about the tongue-lashing they would-be-in-for if they engaged in my presence.

I have seen familiarity breeds contempt” in-play and it’s ugly. So whenever I am approached by someone who became a victim and want counseling, the first thing I ask the person is: Are you still associating with the perpetrator?” If the response is “yes,” I ask “why.” Usually their response is non-sense so I simply say to them: “The less people know about you, the better—remember that and stop making the same mistake by telling people your business.”

In most instances, it is easy to identify people who are capable of or have intent on being a practitioner of “familiarity breeds contempt” because they ask too many questions. Usually, 90% to 100% of their conversation(s) with you consists of questions—probing—rarely offering up information pertaining to them. Their queries are usually highly personal and targeted; and when they don’t receive the exact information they are seeking, they regularly become extremely and oddly irritated. Beware! Also beware of friends who become irritated with you for no reason—they are definitely guilty of betraying your trust.

Be alert to people who bring negative information to you about others and prologue (introduce) their unfavorable commentary by stating: “Don’t tell them I told you but...” The person is definitely not your friend. If a “real” friend want to make you aware of something they think you should know, they do not ask you to hide the source of the information they’ve given you, and they will defend your honor—upfront, on-the-spot (like I do/have done).

Never be reluctant to walk away from people who violate your trust. If a person, including family ever betray you and/or cause you to suffer any level of emotional pain that has proven to be mentally and/or physically unhealthy for you, keep them out of your life—even stay away from the people they socialize with.

If you’re in a place or a situation that scares you, or is otherwise adverse to you and your way of life, leave and stay away from that place or situation. You can only be exposed to that which you subject yourself to—or allow others to subject you to. You do not owe anyone your peace of mind, nor should you never knowingly give access to a person who has already infringed your reputation or integrity.

I have eliminated so many people and family members from my life(including people on the periphery of their respective lives)that I virtually became an observationist(loner). However, I'm not suggesting that you become a loner, but I am recommending that you eliminate those from your life who violate your trust.

One other thing: The longer I exist as an observationist the better I'm getting to know myself—and others.

Love, Saishe (Sees. Saishe Says.)