Don't Give Your Son to Gangs

There are many variables as to why “our” sons (and daughters) join gangs. But the main variables that influence their decision to become a gang-member are their need and desire for:


1. Love (Acceptance and A Sense of Belonging)

2. Material Gain

This may sound cliché, but the principle reason why our children are turning to gangs in large numbers is because they are looking for someone to love them.

If you take the time to ask one delinquent child for the reason(s) they belong to a gang, 9 out of ten (if not ten-out-of-ten) will tell you that their fellow gang members love and care about them. Then you’ll wonder how they know that.

When gangs are recruiting your child, they tell your child that they (gang members) love and care about them. They prey on your child’s emotional and material deficits. Gangs promise your child recognition (attention), praise (love), and access to the material things they desire. These are the initial captivating lures gangs use to recruit your child away from you and onto a path of crime, incarceration, and death.

Parents have a tendency to believe that providing for a child is sufficient enough demonstration of their love. But in reality, it isn’t. A child needs to hear and feel comfort like a hug and kiss. They want to feel reassured, and they want to be shown and told—often—that they are loved.

Gang members pump your child up all the while turning them away from you by telling them (feeding on the child’s belief) that you don’t love them.

Believe it or not: The demonstration of love and affection with your child is your best and first line of defense against gangs. I know it works—tried, tested, and true.

With all the children in my life—and there are hundreds—I use[d] a common theme to capture and retain their attention and trust, and that is: I always tell them that I love them, even when I have to be firm and unrelenting in a position that is for their best interest. After disagreements, I never allow a child to depart from me without a hug and a reassurance that I still do and always will love and care about them.

When the children (and young adults) in my life are in disagreement with or seething mad at me, I demand a hug—it softens the situation—before we get into addressing the issue(s).

When they make me mad, I first collect myself (I quickly wrangle and strangle the monster mom in me). Next, I hug them while telling them what the problem is. Softening the atmosphere and energy between us sets the stage for me to engage rational discourse (conversation) to gain insight and/or achieve resolution. I do this without judging, degrading, or intimidating the child. If a child is degraded and intimidated, they become resentful and resistant to advice or directives. My goal is to always keep the lines of communication open with children/young adults. And because I use rational discourse in my approach, I get results.

Often, when I have to intervene on behalf of a parent to find out what is going on with their child, the platform from which I launch is already in place because I took time in the past to build and bridge it with the child. So when I approach, they are relaxed and honest with me. Not only do I let the child know that I understand and am there to help them with their situation and parent, I always make sure the child hear me and understand when I shift gears to represent their parent’s position without making the child feel I am taking sides.

I am honest enough to let a child know when their parent’s approach was wrong, disrespectful, or otherwise not well thought-out. But I give scenarios as to why their parent act[ed] that way, all of which are grounded in the rationale that their parent loves them and want the best for them. I tell them, as parents, we’re not always right, and at times, we need someone to tell us that—which I why I’m here. Also, I engage the child in helping me devise strategies that they’d like to see their parents utilize to reach them. And in closing, I always ask: Do you want me to tell your mother/father, or do you want to tell them? In most instances, the child wants me to “be there” when they tell their parent(s); and some want me to disclose their admissions.

I have asked many children/young adults why do they open-up and talk to me, as well as always tell me the truth after they have shut-down or lied to their parent(s). And 100% of the time, they tell me [it’s because] “…you’re patient…you don’t scream and cuss me out…you don’t judge me…you love me…you don’t be tripping like my mama…you listen to me…you don’t treat me like a little kid…” I have a 100% success rate in gleaning information or cooperation from children/young adults, and I feel blessed for it.

So, if don’t implement a strategy anchored by love to keep your child out of gangs, you will give your son or daughter to the gangs. If your child is already in a gang, use the same strategies to get them out. If you need help, email me at saishebrokesom@hotmail.com

Love, Saishe!