Continually, I find myself in a state of self-reflection to determine if there are any aspects of my disposition that I should or need to improve, and every now-and-then when I engage myself, I find something about my temperament that could use a little tweaking here-and-there. For instance, I recognize my profound intolerance for the following and I diligently strive to enhance my approach in response to all of them:
• Disrespect
• Irresponsibility
• Liars
• Abusers
• Ungratefulness
• Deceitfulness
• Impatient People
• Narcissists
• Swindlers
• Cheating
Among all of the above, “disrespect” is the common denominator for all of the characteristics that I despise the most.
Why do I say “disrespect” is the common denominator?
I am of the opinion that “disrespect” is—above all—the premier prerequisite for exercising all of the above traits because “disrespect” sets the wheels in motion to cause any and all other harm.
As I get older, I am finding more diplomatic ways to confront individuals who exhibit such adverse personalities, or situations where “disrespect” is on display.
In the past, my approach/answer to disrespect was nothing shy of all-out, with great dispatch, psychological and verbal warfare. But now that I am older and wiser, I am a practitioner and firm believer of when an individual is the wiser in the face of adversity or conflict—no matter how wrong the other source may be—the burden rest with the “wiser” to do the right thing—“set the good example” as my father use to say. This is called “taking the high-road.” And taking the “high-road” can be difficult and painful, but with “righteousness” comes pain for somebody.
Now, I go through life in a perpetual state of honing my listening and observation skills. I listen critically, and am forever vigilant looking for patterns, as opposed to “jumping-the-gun” on what I thought I initially perceived.
I engage “emotional intelligence,” which I constantly study. In my mental reflexes, I employ intellect, logic, risk, and probability—banishing my emotional-self from entering the equation of the situation. I keep in mind that some people or “that person” may not be aware, or they might not know any better, or perhaps they made a mistake. I remind myself that the next person may not be as astute as I am in dealing with human-nature, or have absolutely no concept of “emotional intelligence,” so I give allowances for that. If/when necessary, I diplomatically bring “the” matter to a person’s attention—and forgive or overlook their action(s). If it happens again, I assume they forgot [our] previous dialogue or made the same mistake twice. The third time, I deem a pattern has been set and I determine the value of redressing the situation or I simply walk away from it entirely. In most instances, I usually do the latter.
Even when individuals accuse me of having said or done a particular “thing” to them that caused them some level of emotional harm, I’ve learned not to refute them, but rather I opt to engage emotional intelligence by expressing sincere regret for having caused them to feel that way, while seeking to find out what it is they perceive[d] I said or did, then I beg their pardon with a promise to be mindful of never doing it again.
Why do I engage this approach?
I’ve come to realize that “human-nature” is operationally 90% (plus or minus) emotion, and 10% (plus or minus) logic; and emotional situations can prove deadly to relationships, opportunities, and in some instances, lives. So I opt to utilize emotional intelligence by taking full responsibility for the emotional harm someone perceives I’ve caused them because their perception is their reality. Therefore, in an effort to achieve immediate resolution, I acknowledge, accept responsibility for, apologize, and pledge never to do it again—and if I’m accused by a true psycho, I stay completely away from them, which guarantees there won’t be a “next time.”
Additionally, I’ve learned over the years that when emotions are involved, logic takes a backseat in most situations. So the first thing I do is conquer the initial component of engagement which is my emotional-self. Next, I quickly conclude—without verbalizing it—whether or not what I’m hearing is logical. In rapid succession, I assess the person’s approach to determine the level of intelligence vs. the level of emotion in play, all the while attempting to determine the possible risk(s) involved if I acknowledge/engage the situation. And lastly, I try to project the probability of achieving a positive outcome. All of this I attempt in a moment’s notice of an impending “situation.” Sometimes, if I’m caught off guard, I ask the person whether or not I can get back to them on the subject as a means to give myself ample time to properly address the matter. It took me half-a-life-time to learn about and develop emotional intelligence, and another half-a-lifetime to efficiently utilize it.
I’ve also learned and now practice “silence is golden.” And “golden” silence truly is! I’ve learned to be silent, which is paramount in developing critical listening skills. Being silent is a strategic means of not arming my opponent because when I’m silent, my opponent does not know what I’m thinking. THIS WAS A HUGELY DIFFICULT SKILL FOR ME TO DEVELOP—I failed miserably many times when I first started trying to remain silent during the course of… I literally use to get dizzy when “holding my peace/piece.” In the beginning, it nearly killed me to be silent. When I shared with a mentor that I get physically ill when I am quiet, that mentor mailed to a book titled: “The Art of War.” Now that I know how to be silent, there is nothing better in my arsenal. I KNOW HOW TO SHUT THE “F” UP! I feel empowered when I’m in a silent mode. I truly know what it means to “stand-down.”
In addition, I recognize[d] that it was in my best interest to go back to being humble because I was blowing my blessing by deserting my innate nature of being humble by allowing life’s circumstances to transform me into a brutal sharp-tongued resister of all things evil. And because I was honestly never the provocateur during my brutal and sharp-tongued moments, I felt justified in fighting back—and winning ugly. But it never felt good like I thought it should or would.
After a long period of time, I realized I had become what I always fought so diligently against. I became cruelly unforgiving, and after my opposition was successfully beat-back into their miserable demonized corners, something bad always happened to me—and I knew each time the laws of retribution had kicked in on me because I knew I was acting outside of my natural self, as well as the laws of the universe. So I self-reflected and beat myself back into submission/humility and grace.
After my most recent self-reflection, I recognized a need to reintroduced myself to my innate desire and ability to forgive, and now I’m back to being at peace with the world.
Peace unto to you as well.
Saishe See. Saishe Says.
